Hi, Diary.
I’ve just come back from my cooper session outdoors on Oliveira Belo Street. I’m so happy the rain stopped a little so I could get out of the house a bit. Especially after all those candies I ate in Cosme and Damião’s party (holiday in which the devotees of the twin saints Cosme and Damião give candies to the kids on the streets).
After the sweets, I reforced one of the positive affirmations I like most: “I am losing weight. I feel my body in harmony, health and beauty!”
But that’s not what I wanted to tell you, Diary. It’s something else. A funny thing. I was walking home and laughing to the thought of Patrício, an ex-boyfriend of mine.
Patrício and I met last year. He lived in Rio Grande do Sul, southern Brazil. We met on the Net and, because of our affinities on mystical and spiritualistic subjects, we decided to give ourselves a chance to get to know each other better. I wanted a boyfriend and he was also looking for a nice lady in his life.
We set a date at Rio Sul shopping mall, and it was love at first sight. Wow, he was awesome! Much prettier than his online pictures! Blue eyes, shaved hair and body shape in perfect fitness. All I could’ve asked Lord for!
We sat down to have some pizza and, after two hours of conversation and already declared boyfriend and girlfriend, he told me he was a police officer! Oh, my God! Please, come on! How could we never have talked about our professions before? Incredible!
“Police officer?” I asked him, not being able to hide the fetish that made me instantly so horny.
“Yes, I am,” he answered, without giving me back that inviting look.
I recomposed myself and remembered I was a missy, and that missies are forbidden to feel horny for a man on her first date. Such an ugly thing! I laughed to myself. After all, the man was from Rio Grande do Sul (they are very traditional people). And, most of the times, culture speaks louder, no matter how much a guy tries to be modern and open-minded.
Very well. On our first date, I controlled myself, although I couldn’t stop thinking for one minute that the guy was a police officer and, for that reason, I wanted to have sex with him. But he drove me back home untouched.
The following day, he picked me up again, this time earlier, so we could go to the beach and then have lunch together and, all the time, he was just talking about planets, astral conjunctions and how the Cosmic Intergalactic Commission would turn upside down the energies of the planet.
“Oh, my God. I think he’s gay,” I thought. But I looked at him again and prayed, “Oh, no... He can’t be…! He’s so cute!”
By the end of the day, he invited me to spend the night together with him in his hotel room and, finally, I could release the fire that had possessed me. The hotel room was not a cheap one and, by his manners, I could see he was a man of possessions.
Patrício seemed to have enjoyed the night. On the next day, however, as it was Monday morning, he had to fly back to his city to get back to work.
I was pretty excited about the man. He had several ingredients that enchanted me: spirituality, a brain that worked very well, good health and fitness, good humor and so on.
So, I gave myself away, you know? After all, we had established such an intimacy in the past few months through the Net… until it culminated into a presential date.
I was so excited that, on that very Monday, I wrote an erotic poem to him. He inspired me! After all, if I chose him to be my boyfriend, I supposed we were now allowed to include sex and horn as one of our activities. Right? Thinking that way, I created a poem – something with handcuffs, twisting bodies, shaking hips and a lot of horn – and, amorously and maliciously, I emailed it to Patrício.
My Goodness, I don’t know why I did that! I thought I knew Patrício, but I was so wrong! Three days had passed and I had not received a word from him. That was weird, because I thought we had established such a powerful connection. Sweet naiveness of mine!
As I wouldn’t get any messages from my darling, after trying to stop myself from doing so, I just had to call him!
“Hello?” I said, with a sweet voice. “Patrício, is that you?”
“Oh, hi, Atma, yes, that’s me,” he answered, with an aloof tone of voice. “Hello, sweetheart girl. Look, I can’t talk to you right now, I’m right in the middle of a meeting. I’ll email you by the end of the day, ok?” he said, trying to make his voice not so brisk.
I hang up the phone and I couldn’t believe my ears! What was going on?
Needless to say I could do nothing the whole day! I just set in front of the computer all day, checking my email box every five minutes! What had I done wrong?
It was five in the afternoon when the fatidic email arrived. It was Patrício, saying he was very sorry coz he would have to break up with me, because I was nothing he had imagined. On his letter, he said he had thought I was a spiritualized woman, unattached from material things, not a sex addict like me, full of material pretensions. At a certain point, he said,
“Chico Xavier would never had desired to have such a high salary of R$ 3.000,00 a month. (He said that because I had mentioned the salaries in Brazil are low and that I considered the minimum to live with should be, more or less, three thousand, and therefore that was the salary I was asking the Universe to send to my life.)
Besides that, he said he considered my erotic poem of really bad taste and that he was looking for a pure woman to be by his side.
Diary... I didn’t even answer Patrício. I deleted him from my orkut, msn, facebook, everything. Such an aswhole!
However, I would be lying if I said I was not hurt. I exposed myself, you know? I was also wrong about him. On the same day, I started asking the Universe for answers and insights about that matter. Was I wrong? Was I not supposed to feel horny anymore, so I could evolve my spirit?
How about Lord Shiva and Parvati? Only they are allowed to make divine and transcendental love, up in the cosmic mountains? I also want to feel pleasure! I’m not gonna live for that, running after sex everyday, but when a nice person eventually appears… why to deny the experience? Even more if the guy is my boyfriend!
I got home now remembering this story and laughing. Do you think I stopped having sex and achieving the pleasure of orgasm because of Patrício? Come on, get out of here!
I sat on the sofa and saw a Prana newspaper on the coffee table. I opened it and read an article on money’s love energy. Everything in the universe is energy. Therefore, we must learn to let this energy flow abundantly in our lives too, with no fears, guilts or resentments about it. (The article is on this month’s edition, August 2010)
I loved the article. I jumped into another page and read about the Female and Male energy, and about men who still try to dominate women’s energy. Talk about it!
Afterwards, I felt like writing a new poem. This time, not for Patrício. Not for anyone. Just to freely express the horn that, thanks God, still runs in my blood the way it’s supposed to. I wrote :
“When horn takes over my female body, it is stronger than the full moon. I shake my hips. Shake and quake them. I close my eyes. I’m all horny. I come! I grasp my man with my legs and pull him to me. I’m a woman! I’m divine! I think of anything else, just in that one instant of pleasure with no guilt. Of feeling our skins touching. The smell. The hug. Love.... Oh, such a horn!”
Did you like it, Diary? Oh, this whole story just makes me feel like making love...
Atma
